Covid-19
I hope this message finds you in a moment of health, calmness and wisdom, surrounded by loved ones, whether they're physically present or far away, in your house or in your memories, two legged, four legged or feathered.
I continue to have gratitude and compassion for all who are currently helping, caring for, protecting, sacrificing and risking every day. For those grieving, worrying and not being able to be near loved ones, I wish you guidance, patience and a new way.
Do:
Reach out, connect with, and help or thank front line workers, single parents or those living alone.
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Telehealth sessions available at your convenience. Walk and talk (phone) if you can and you're needing to get outside and use some movement and time to yourself.
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During this time of physical isolation, consider this as a possible idea for social connection. Although some science is considered here, know that this is only a suggestion based on my consideration for possible negative consequences of isolation and loneliness. I'm not a doctor, this is not science, and it's not recommended for everyone.
This should only be considered if all parties are actively isolating and are not showing any concerning symptoms.
If you have a lawn or a field or a parking lot near by----use a measuring tape and mark with chalk or tape three circles at least ten feet apart. You can then use these circles to have your teenagers, young adults, or you yourself 'see' your friends. The rules are: every person sits on their own chair (or parks their car) in the assigned circle and is not allowed to step out of it. Keep it simple with the younger ones: no drinks/snacks, etc. Time limit of 60(?) minutes. They can play games from afar ("Would you rather" for example). Adult supervision from afar (perhaps indoor at the window or in own car) at all times to make sure the space rules are followed.
At the end, have your teen/young adult or yourself hug a blanket or stuffed animal and imagine it as a real hug with the loved ones---research shows our brains benefit positively from imagining an activity just as much as they do from actually doing the activity.
I understand this seems strange, awkward and potentially scary. These are difficult times, and some humans are or will be struggling more than others: adolescents, young adults (maybe in relationships), extroverts, those living alone or single parents are going to be craving social and physical contact. We must balance the risks and do our best to be safe for both the physical as well as the mental/emotional health.
Remember I'm not a doctor nor a scientist. Do what works best for you.
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Trigger Warning----the subject below is difficult to explore for most of us. Please check your current state of being and if you do not have the mental and emotional space to consider an important, yet very emotionally deep subject right now, stop reading now and return here on a different day. Taking care of yourself is most important at the moment.
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For most of us, especially in our current society, three subjects are difficult to discuss: money, sex, and death. I truly wish these were the times to discuss the first two. Alas, death, although a guaranteed end for each of us, always around us and a possibility in every moment, is strongly in our face and in our daily existence now due to the pandemic. If you haven't already experienced it within your circle of family or friends, you are most likely going to be hearing about it or experiencing it soon. The best predictions scientists are having show a significant human loss upon our country in the coming months.
As adults, teachers, caretakers, leaders, or parents, you will be faced with big questions and expected to have big answers in the coming months. I'm offering some ideas to prepare yourselves in order to be able to hold these big discussions and to best take care of yourselves and those around you.
Do:
1. Figure out what your beliefs/thoughts about death, dying, and end of life are. Keep it basic if possible, but have a few simple thoughts about it. Concrete and factual is an easy go to, and it's also important to recognize your spiritual and religious, cultural, or familial beliefs about the matter.
2. Practice daily routine for yourself in order to deal with your own grief and fears around it. Pray, meditate, cry, journal, create.
3. Stay away from the media. It's easy to get 'addicted' to the climbing numbers, graphs, and intensity of it all. It's not good, it won't be good for a while; staying focused on what you can do right now is most important. Stay home, stay away from public, wash your hands often and quarantine if you have symptoms. It continues to work and it's all we have for now.
4. If you have children, create your answer according to their developmental age. Keep details to yourself as much as possible, and be careful with making it seem temporary (they've gone on a long trip), confusing (they've gone to sleep), or wonderful (they're in a better place/heaven). Children's minds can't comprehend vague and abstract, and it can be easy for them to also want to 'go on a long trip' or 'go to heaven with grandma now', or start fearing going to sleep themselves. These are hard discussions to have, you must decide what works best in your family, just know and be prepared for possible challenges based on their understanding abilities.
5. Figure out a way or ways to acknowledge, grieve and celebrate the lives of those we might be losing--whether you know them directly or generally, in the human race. Writing letters/notes, drawing pictures, burning a candle, chanting, sitting outside in nature in silence, or creating a special book....rituals are both honoring and healing.
6. The most important part is realizing there will be an 'after' for this all. It's important to keep hope alive and remind yourself and others, especially children, that this too is temporary, that life will return to a new normal, and that there are many people around to help, support, and care for everyone.
Some helpful articles and videos:
Sesame Street deals with death (short version)
Sesame Street deals with death (long version)
More reading on how to talk with children about it:
https://www.npr.org/2019/03/04/698309351/the-dog-isnt-sleeping-how-to-talk-with-children-about-death
https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/how-to-be-a-parent/communication/talk-to-kids-death/#gs.2lg2me
If you're able and looking to read and understand more about ways to celebrate life based on learned lessons about death, I have found this book to be educational, comforting and inspirational:
The Five Invitations by Frank Ostaseski
Take care of yourself and others as best as you can,
Anca
Covid-19, Day 6
Things were so different just a week ago...most of us were busy making plans for spring break, or maybe just looking forward to having less people in town due to spring break plans....
This day, this Friday, take a moment to reflect back on the week. Notice how different it has been around. Write down at least five things you've learned about yourself this week. Perhaps five things that you're noticing have improved your day to day life. Maybe you're moving more, maybe getting outside more. Perhaps you've been more present with your family members this week. Maybe you've cleaned more or talked with people more.
And maybe you haven't done any of those much this week. Maybe this has felt like a long snow day (week) or spring break vacation and things have piled up and things have felt more off schedule than normal.
In the moment:
1. Use your exhale to send out energy to all those who are currently, directly working to keep the country going....the front liners, the nurses, doctors, CNAs, EMTs, nursing home staff, prison staff, grocery store clerks, garbage collectors, delivery drivers, truck drivers, shelf stockers, Internet providers, Netflix staff....whomever is close to your mind today, breathe out and say "Thank you"---thank you for getting up, going to work, risking your own health to help the rest out. Thank you. Over and over Thank you.
Today:
It's time to become more intentional with your schedule. This is longer than a week. Spring break or vacation mode has to shift, at least a bit.
1. Plan your meals for the weekend. Plan your meals for the week.
2. Plan your work schedule for the weekend. Plan it for the week.
3. Plan your movement/exercise schedule for the weekend. Plan it for the week.
4. Plan your self care routine: hygiene, emotional processing, social connection.
5. Plan your evenings for the week.
6. Plan your cleaning/ organizing for each day.
7. Plan your laundry.
8. Plan your social/family time.
9. Plan your religious/spiritual/meditative/contemplative/artistic time.
10. If you have kids at home, plan their days out a bit.
It doesn't have to be rigid and color coded (but it can help!). Use clocks or schedule with hours:
9-10:30 Work or
9-10:30 Family Walk in neighborhood or
9-10:30 Exercise or
9-10:30 Watch Sesame Street or
9-10:30 Online Yoga
Make it fit your schedule. Make it fit your family's schedule. Create a routine of some sort in order to feel more control and also to not have this new normal throw you off of your long term goals too much. Your long term health matters.
Breathe out thanks,
Anca
Covid-19, Day 5
Today:
Connect with as many people as you can---text, call, face time, write emails, write letters. It's a cold, cloudy day, perfect to cuddle up in your favorite blanket and connect. And rest. And take a nap. And another cup of tea.
If you want to move, do some laundry. Take the bed sheets off and wash them. Wash your covers, wash the guest bedroom. Bring out your favorite bed sheets. Bring out your favorite dishes. Get the fancy candles out. Bring out the birthday party decorations or the Christmas tinsel or lights. Bring out Halloween costumes or favorite pajamas and make forts or put on plays or binge watch stuff. We have the fun stuff, bring it out and use it. Don't wait for another day. Today's Spring, let's welcome it and celebrate it!
Here's some specifics:
1. I grew up playing this game, usually in the dirt, using corn and beans. I looked it up today and lo and behold, it's online with instructions. And it's real, and it's been around for a very, very long time. It has survived many civilizations, and wars and lots of big changes. And here it is, on Wiki:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_men%27s_morris
Use paper or cardboard to make the board, use Legos or beans and rice and play it...it's quite fun!
2. Here's a really funny video....I especially like the mom's lack of reaction...
3. Here's some good yoga and mindfulness exercises for the kids:
4. Here's a beautiful song experience with an amazing, powerful lesson in being able to STOP, RESET, and keep going.
5. Here's a beautiful talk by Elizabeth Gilbert on Fear. Lots of other meditations and talks available on Insight Timer.
6. Lots of science experiments for all the children with(in) us!
https://www.youtube.com/sciencemom
In gratitude,
Anca
PS On the other side of this transformation, I wish for connection. And rest. And slowing down.
And this: https://youtu.be/WRmBChQjZPs
Covid-19, Day 4.
In the moment:
1. Notice the worry feeling in your body--the buzz, the agitation, the sense of urgency.
2. As you exhale, imagine it washing off or melting off of your body into the ground. Similar to a good hand washing (20 seconds or more) after you've just played in the dirt, maybe after gardening. Melting off of your body like sticky, golden honey. Let it pour off onto the ground.
3. After a few exhales, start imagining tree roots in your legs, strong tree roots coming from the ground. Feel the tree branches in your arms and the leaves coming out of your head and spreading out into the space around you.
4. With every breath in, imagine being able to breathe in a strong sense of groundedness, of strength and stability just like the tree roots would provide. Your branches and leaves can move and float but notice the stability of the roots.
5. Breathe out and melt worry away, breathe in strength and stability.
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During the day:
1. Turn off the media. Still not much new. Wash your hands. Cover your cough. Social distancing works.
2. What's your routine? What time are you eating, how much are you hydrating? How are you getting movement in your day? What's your sleep hygiene like these days? Routine matters.
3. Today's task: get outside. Do yard work. Clean up dog poop. Rake leaves or trim anything in need of trimming. Wash your windows, outside or inside. Go for a walk. Ride your bike. Sit on a chair and hear the birds coming out to play.
4. Exercise: pick your 3 favorite body weight exercises (or anything you remember from gym class). Do 10 of each, repeat 5 times. You've exercised.
5. Make yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if you have the stuff around. Eat it slowly. Think of all the times and places you've had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Maybe field trips? Hikes? Sleep overs? Skiing? College?
6. If you have it, make yourself a cup of tea. Drink it slowly. Read the box. Where is this tea from? How far has it traveled? How many people worked to bring this tea to your cup? The farmer? The harvester? The packer? The drivers? The grocers? How many people have thought about, nurtured, carried, measured, and transported this tea that's sitting here, in your hands, giving you this moment in time?
6. Feel that gratitude for all those memories of the PBJ and all those people that have come together to provide you this cup of tea. Feel the warmth in your heart, and on one of your exhales, imagine sending that gratitude to all those places in your memory and to all those people out there, who brought you that cup of tea.
In gratitude,
Anca
Covid-19 Crisis, Day 3.
In the moment:
1. Start with acknowledging you're worried: "I'm worried right now"
2. Notice what worrying looks like in your body. Can you hear your inside voice? Your thoughts? What are they saying? Can you notice the worry in your body---in your breath, in your chest, your gut, your palms, maybe in your legs? Perhaps an overall 'buzz' or agitation, coldness or clammy feeling.
3. Notice the worry in your body. It's there; it's your brain's natural reaction to this unknown threat out there in our world. Your brain is aware and doing its natural, healthy response. Preparing your body for action: fight or flight. Everyone is experiencing this in one way or another, in this same very moment you are. The collective is full of buzz, and all humans that have heard the news are having a reaction, you're not alone in this fear of the unknown.
4. Think of one thing you can do right now to take care of your scared body: give yourself a hug, cry, go stare outside into the big sky and know that in this very moment many others are doing the same thing, trying to comfort themselves. Just as you would with a young child when they're scared, be kind to yourself. It's ok to be scared and worried or have any other kind of feelings you might be having. We all are. You're not alone. Let the buzz be, it is here to stay for a while, for this new normal. This is a natural, normal, heathy response you're noticing.
5. Bring your attention back to your breath. Exhale for 6. And 6 more. Then 6 more. Over and over, come back to your exhale. That's how your body resets back into rest and digest, the opposite of fight and flight. Exhale for 6.
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During your day:
1. Get off the media. Shut off the news, the Twitter, the Reddits, the Voxes, Foxes and Moxes. They want an audience. They have drama. Panic spreads. I promise you, I will let you know if some HUGE new, helpful piece of information comes out. I promise you will know soon enough!
2. Today's tasks: clean and declutter. Set up a timer for 30 minutes and clean an area in your house. Clean your wallet, your purse or backpack. That one "throw anything in here drawer" we all have. Clean your coffee table. Your closet or pantry. Sweep or vacuum. Do some laundry. Clean. Declutter. The cleaner and more organized your space is, the calmer your mind can stay. You can control your immediate space. Clean. If you have kids at home. Sing the cleaning song. Put on some music. Everyone clean for 30 minutes. Then later do another 30.
3. If you have children in your life and are unsure what to tell them or how to talk about what's going on:
*Stay calm as best as you can
*Let them know you're doing the best you can to protect them
*Let them know you're there to listen and offer as many hugs as they need
*Tell them what they can do to help themselves: practice proper hand washing, coughing in the elbow, and keeping some distance from others, especially if they're coughing or sneezing.
*Monitor their media access and limit Live media as best as possible
*Be honest with facts and age appropriate. "Covid-19 is short for Coronavirus Disease 2019. It's a new virus. Doctors and scientists are working hard to understand it and treat it. It's like the flu for most people, and some can get more sick than others. There are things we can do to protect and help ourselves and others".
*Don't use minimizing, blaming or harmful speech in any way. Talk about community and being kind and united.
4. If you have older friends or family members or any individuals with compromised immune systems and they're isolating. Reach out in any way you can: text often, send pictures, videos, FaceTime, call, write emails, letters, postcards.
5. If you happen to have humans in your life in general. Be grateful, for they are in your life. Feel that gratitude in your heart and in your body right now. Feel the calmness, the warmth, maybe the fuzzy feeling. Maybe good tears in your eyes, and loving presence in your arms, and core, and legs. The flip side of fear of grief and loss is the gratitude of having our humans in our life now. Feel that gratitude fully, and how calming it can be. Find your humans and -- Say what you want to say. Say what you need to say. Say it now. Say it often. Then say it again.
Exhale 4 6,
Anca
PS: When you notice the worry buzz in your body, take a couple of long exhales; notice what you're doing right in this moment, what you're holding in your hands or what is happening in front of you. Think of all the humans that worked hard to provide or create that which you're holding in your hands or experiencing in your life. Feel the gratitude and breathe it out towards all of them right now. Toggle between worry and gratitude as many times as you need. Use the exhale as the balancing beam, similar to a see-saw you used to play on in your childhood. Toggle and see-saw.
Covid-19 Crisis, Day 2.
If you or someone you know has been directly impacted by the virus, I'm wishing you the best care, calmness and wisdom as you're dealing with it all. If you're working directly to help or assist others, I appreciate your energy and kindness!
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A reminder I'm offering Telehealth sessions this week. Most of you have done video sessions with me, but for those who haven't, here's some information about them:
https://www.lifechangellc.com/telehealth-therapy
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Anxiety is high during this time, and will most likely continue to be for a while, until more information is known and a more clear path forward is found. I'll be sending out daily emails with ideas for self care.
Here are some things you can do to manage the worries and take care of yourself:
In the moment:
1. Notice when you're starting to have anxiety (worry, panic, catastrophe) thoughts, and say (out loud or internally) "I'm feeling worry right now".
2. Bring your attention to your breath, and count to 6 on your exhale. Slow it down and count to 6 on every exhale.
3. Clench/flex and relax your fists quickly, like you're trying to squeeze something. Do this with strength and quickly; don't hold the clench.
4. Find other muscles in your body and do the same clench/release action six times. Jaw, calves, quads, arms, even face muscles can be used.
5. Keep breathing with long exhales.
6. Do a full body shake, similar to how you've seen dogs shake, or wild animals shake after a fight.
7. Repeat as necessary.
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During your day:
1. Limit exposure to media. Don't listen to news, social media or podcasts right now. Everything is sensationalized in order to gain an audience. If new, significant developments happen, you'll find out soon enough.
2. If you must check the news, plan it to once or twice a day and set a certain amount of time. Don't indulge. The more you listen or read, the more you'll want and then you'll feel more worried.
3. Focus on what you do have control over: your daily routine. Create a schedule for what you will do as far as your food, hydration, exercise, social time, spiritual time. Plan your meals, don't snack or eat random stuff; emotional eating won't help and it will most likely make you feel shame and guilt and sluggishness. Get outside and walk, run, bike, hike, climb. Get sunshine and fresh air. Call, text, face time loved ones. Write letters of love and appreciation. Pray, meditate, chant, dance, do yoga. Paint, color, do puzzles or crosswords. Staying calm matters.
4. If you have kids at home (or if you're a kid yourself!) draw pictures and write jokes or funny sayings on papers, or make cards. Text them to neighbors or loved ones. Make a video of funny jokes and send them out or if you have social media, post it. People are lonely. Humor helps.
5. If you're able to, reach out to your neighbors and ask if they could use help (call/text or drop off a note). Reach out to whomever you think might need your help right now. Offer to go get their medicine or groceries or bring in their mail or take their dog out for a walk.
6. Get online and buy this year's gifts for weddings, birthdays, baby showers....buy gift cards from local businesses and restaurants. You'll need to buy those later on anyways, and this is a good time to invest in your local community. You can also search in the community of the gift receiver and buy it from there; this way you help out today and provide free marketing for future for the business.
7. Offer to help organizations in the community. Some need help delivering things to those in isolation. Some need help taking care of animals (shelters), some might need help stocking shelves. Helping others makes us feel united, helpful, connected, and can take our mind off of our own worries and panic.
8. Schedule yourself time to fall apart, panic, or be a full on hot mess. If you have another adult around, take turns. If you have kids, do it after they're asleep. Set a timer, maybe 30 minutes?, curl up in your blankets or take a hot bath, and melt away. It's scary. It's ok to fall apart. It's ok to be sad, scared, panicked. You're human and humans have feelings. Be with them, be kind to yourself. And when the timer goes off, get up, wash your face, dry up, and get back up to your routine. Have some water or tea. Eat your meal. Stretch. You're making it through!
Grateful for today's sunshine,
Anca
During the Covid-19 crisis, DAY 1.
In the meantime, here are some things you can do:
1. Wash your hands as often as possible; this continues to be the best preventative action we can all take. Use regular soap as the lipids (outside cover) of the virus will be impacted without any need for antibacterial or fancy soaps.
2. Practice any skills that you find helpful in keeping yourself calm, as this is important in helping you be aware, able and proactive.
3. Lead by example: show your kids, family members, peers, friends ways to stay calm: breathing, stretching, continuing with healthy routines.
4. If you have kids at home, here are some ideas to keep them busy: https://zenhabits.net/100-ways-to-have-fun-with-your-kids-for/. (cross out the ideas that involve going to big public places).
5. If you have purchased tickets to sporting events or the arts and the events have cancelled, consider donating the money instead of asking for a refund if you can. Also, if you have favorite local businesses, consider purchasing gift cards in the next month or two. These are great ways to support the community and keep the arts and sports events afloat during this time.
And most importantly, take this time to be appreciative, helpful and kind as often as possible.
Take care of yourself and others,
Anca